Napkin vs. food

I don’t see any blood, nor that you’re being chased by an angry mob of dry cleaners.

This is a very 70s look to me – the napkin tucked into the shirt. Does anybody really do this anymore? Well, they shouldn’t. According to GQ, “The only time it’s OK to tuck a napkin into the neck of your shirt is when you’re bleeding.” Here, here!

But then there’s also that line in Drake’s song, Headlines: “Tuck my napkin in my shirt, cause I’m just mobbin’ like that. You know good and well that you don’t want a problem like that.” Is he talking about those impossible-to-remove mustard stains? Cuz maybe he doesn’t want to get a beat down by the person who does his laundry? He has a point. Maybe the better solution is better posture when you’re eating. A 90 degree angle ensures the food will fall onto the napkin, which is supposed to be on your lap.

Actually I learned something else today. Did you know that the 4th Century Spartans used slices of bread as napkins? I’d be willing to bet, that after they’d sopped up the mess on their hands, that they ate their napkins too. Since we’re not goats, we can’t do that today. That gives me an idea though, maybe next time I have a dinner party I’ll place a piece of absorbent Wonder Bread at each person’s plate and just before dessert, declare (in my best Gerard Butler 300 voice) that everyone must devour their napkin.

Well, the paper placement was pointless in the end. After he’d finished eating, I looked at Boobs’ shirt and noticed he’d already dropped egg salad on it earlier that day, evidenced by two good-sized yellow stains near the right pocket.


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